Membremai 2, 2017 à 10:58
Hi Sarra, thanks for your participation. I notice that your writing is developing. Good, keep going 😉
Please use the simple present.
Try to avoid the informal language.
Watch your tenses.
Your ideas are well developed and organized.
Here is your essay’s correction:
I write you this letter because lately you were not around too much as if you were taken by something. I asked your mom and she told me that you start to be a kind of addicted to video games
and online games(there is no need to repeat, they are the same thing), and you’ve eenspending hours and hours playing. (try to avoid long sentences) Consequently, you lose contact with your friends because you devote all your time to playing. that was the reason that it didn’t gave you time for us your friends .So as your best friend I want to advise you and give you some important information about these games. Most of the bad effects ofvideo games are blamed onfor the violence they contain. People who play moreviolent video games are more likely to have increased aggressive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. plusMoreover, too much video game playingexcessive playing makes you socially isolated. Do you know that video games may also have bad effects on humans health,your health? It may result in includingobesity and video-induced seizure !?. and here is the thing thatWhat worries me the most when playing onlinemore is that you can pick upbe influenced by bad language and behavior from other people. Andit may make you rvulnerable to online dangers. Also,(it is better to talk about all the drawbacks of video games together, and then move to the solutions) Instead losing much time on video games, you may spend less time incan engage yourself in other activities such as doing homework, reading, sports, and interacting with theyour family and friends. My friend, games can confuse reality and fantasy andbecause real life is so much different from games .
As your friend, I wanted to
adviceadvise you and show you the dark side of those things(avoid this spoken and informal language) video games. I’m not saying that video games are so dangrous you must satay away from it , no !it is true that video games are an enjoyable means of entertainment, but try not to be blindly addicted to them. video games are a good way to pass time and to enjoy yourself a littel but don’t get to atteched to it soi t drives you to addection !
I hope you came back and share time with us.